A Thank You Letter To Sisqó

Dear Dragon,

Wassup dude? How you been? I see from your Wikipedia page that you recently got evicted from Celebrity Big Brother across the pond. Don’t stress that though, Britain’s been our bitch since Mel Gibson and the French cornered them by the sea. I remember George Washington’s famous exclamation as he dropped the guillotine on King George, “I DESERVE TO BE BLOWN FIRST!!!” Man, what a leader. But truly he doesn’t mean a lot in my life. Especially compared to you Dragon.

You are the spark that ignited my fiery passion for hip hop and rap music. Very clearly in my mind it all began with, “Let me see that thooo-ooo-ooong!” Sure it’s a terrible song that helped pioneer raps apparent decline into hedonism, but your crooning appetite for dumps like a truck-truck-truck hooked me into what now accounts for roughly 70% of my iTunes library. I slowly progressed away from the neon thongs in your music video and raps lyrical slums, now inhabited by Soulja Boy, towards rappers of merit like Nas, Biggie, and Lupe Fiasco.

You made a big impression on me in fifth grade, and I want to thank you. I wish you the best, and am still waiting for the release of Last Dragon, which will complete my trilogy of Sisqó albums.

Sincerely,

Walker Parrish